It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
