Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
