I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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