dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
