Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
