I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
