I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
