So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
