I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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