He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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