Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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