when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
