Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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