Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
