I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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