How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
