somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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