There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
