Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In America we eat man semen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
