he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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