things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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