I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
