i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
