I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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