I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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