Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
