got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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