she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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