Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I deserve this hangover.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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