I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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