you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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