woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
