dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Olympian is in my bed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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