I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
