shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
