I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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