So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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