my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
