Quick, to the slutcave!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
