angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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