defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
