Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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