We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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