plz talk dirty to me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
