you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
