I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
