my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
