Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
