maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
