A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if only i could text you this smell
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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