Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
