I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
