I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
