U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
sex in a hospital.. check
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
