Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
