Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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