I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have aggressive nipples.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
